My husband chats with other women

My husband has been chatting with another woman for months

Psychomeda> Online Counseling> Relationship Problems

Maggi (f, 42) from Mark Landin: Hello dear team, my husband and I are 22 years old together and 11 of them are married. We have 2 children. He's been chatting with a woman for about 3 months now. I'm very jealous. He sits on the couch in the evening and writes late into the night. He changed the code on his cell phone. He assures me that he loves me. But he doesn't show me his emails. She lives far away and is also married. He finds it very entertaining. I explained my fears and feelings to him. He asks for understanding and that I should trust him. He said that he was fine with me. He is happy with me. But he would also like to talk to someone else and a male chat friendship would be stupid. What should I do? Threaten to divorce me? I dont want that. But the whole thing makes me sick. Please advise me how to deal with it. Many Thanks.

Response from the Psychomeda therapist team:

Dear Maggi,

Thank you for your letter, I can understand your emotional state. You find that your husband has turned to another woman, even if only virtually, but that doesn't make much of a difference. No wonder if you're jealous.

Your husband says he loves you and you are all right, you should understand. But even after you have given explanations, nothing changes.

I could imagine a man's chat rather than playing with fire. There is something about the other woman that fascinates your husband. Perhaps it is also the long duration of your relationship, which began early on, that brought a certain boredom and routine into everyday life. But instead of facing this situation, your husband seeks his salvation outside.

Well, before you get really sick, you should act. Go inside again and feel exactly how you are. What has to change so that you feel better again and so that you can have confidence? Think further about the consequences you might face if your husband doesn't stop acting. Then ask him for a chat, perhaps over dinner or a long walk. Tell him about yourself, show him the possible consequences of his actions and also stand by them. Otherwise you will degenerate into a paper tiger who only points out, but does not do it seriously.

You both have a relationship responsibility and must take it seriously. Your husband is also asked to express himself, to talk to you about what is happening to him, what drives him to this chat. Perhaps you suggest couples counseling. Definitely stick with yourself and show strength. You can only act for yourself, nobody can be forced to do something. I think it is about a fundamental problem in your marriage that is now showing up in chatting with strange women. Perhaps you have already felt something, but did not want to admit it. However, it is your husband’s turn, his behavior is by no means common in a good relationship.

If nothing changes, then you are free to think about a breakup.

I wish you strength and courage, a fruitful conversation and a good development, whatever that will look like.

Best regards

Claudia Schmitt

Naturopath for psychotherapy
Secular funeral speaker

Please rate my answer.