Can childless teachers really understand children?

Teachers with and without children


Written by Aki04 on January 11, 2012, 7:26 am

I had just read the older discussion about teachers with and without children. I also have a little experience report: I am a teacher and involuntarily childless. In my group of 12 teachers, 4 are currently on maternity leave or sick due to pregnancy. For 8 years now I have had to hold substitute hours for pregnant colleagues or colleagues whose children are sick or have other appointments. Every time I say something it says that I can't imagine what it's like to have kids, etc. Sometimes I think that being a teacher without kids is really bullied. I have already told you that I cannot have children and still it goes on. In the meantime I am considering changing jobs, as neither colleagues nor some parents respect childless teachers as human beings. And my greatest wish was always a family of my own. The reaction of many people when I say that I am a teacher is also interesting: "This is the ideal job to combine family and work." I love my job and children more than anything, but sometimes I can't stand all of that, meanwhile I don't go on excursions, etc. Unfortunately, this perspective is always forgotten and I feel like a felon because I'm a teacher and have no children.

 

Re: teachers with and without children

answer fromMiolilo on January 11th, 2012, 7:42 am

"For 8 years now I have had to hold substitute hours for pregnant colleagues or colleagues whose children are sick or have other appointments."

But that is not the fault of the colleagues, it is the fault of the system.
If the state does not reliably provide enough reserve reserves and pushes the problem back to the school, then the corresponding colleagues are the immediate "trigger" of your overtime, but not the ones responsible ....


Million

Answer post

Re: teachers with and without children

answer fromliha on January 11th, 2012, 7:56 am

Then what does a career change bring you?

In EVERY job, as a non-mother, you will have to represent mothers and have to work during the school holidays (because the mothers need free time).
In EVERY job you will have colleagues whose children are sick or have other appointments.

Whether families with many children or couples without children, there will always be someone who does not respect another way of life and who has something to complain about.
Honestly, you have to be over it.
Sure, it hurts not to be able to have children when you want them, but that's the way it is. Just because you have a different job doesn't hurt any less. In other professions you will also be asked again and again why you have no children. What does this have to do with the teaching profession? I do not understand.

And why don't you go on excursions etc. please?
You're pushing yourself to the sidelines.

By the way:
My daughter's teacher is also childless. So what? That's why I would never question their expertise, and neither does anyone else.
At the latest when you have passed 40, no one will ask you about that.

Answer post

@Miolilo and Aki04

answer frommozipan on January 11th, 2012, 8:05 am

@Miolilo
I think about the overtime, or the representation that she does, the AP did not care at all. Rather, despite their commitment, they are assumed to have a subliminal lack of competence.

@ Aki04
I find it a difficult situation. I wouldn't change jobs because of that, but I would definitely speak to my colleagues once (or again?) That this is occupying you and not doing you any good.

I don't think they are doing this consciously and intending it to be bullying. It's just thoughtlessness when you say something like that. It is simply said that way, without thinking beforehand what it will trigger in the other person.

It also only attacks you so extremely because you are involuntarily childless and have actually always wanted children. This is a fate that you have to deal with, so careless comments from people around you don't make it any easier.

If you were intentionally childless, however, you would be far less preoccupied with the whole thing. If parents say or think something like that, you just have to think about it. To be honest, I think that's totally out of touch with reality. After all, nobody says that only a divorce lawyer is a good divorce lawyer who is himself divorced. Just to give an example from my professional field. This can be said of most professions. For example, I also know a great auto mechanic who never got a driver's license himself.

By the way, there are two teachers who are childless and two with children in the primary school that my daughters attend or have attended. I think the two childless here are sometimes more competent than, for example, the teacher with 2 children.

When I was in elementary school myself, I had a class teacher who had 5 children of her own. And you noticed that! In the morning, when she had managed everything at home, she was ready to go when she got to school. We had to pay for what their own children had already cost them on their nerves that morning. This is often the case with many teachers with their own children. So the medal also has another side. In addition, it is already true that if you don't have any children yourself, it is difficult or impossible to empathize with many life situations. It's just a fact.

Answer post

Re: teachers with and without children

answer fromVio-1 on January 11th, 2012, 8:30 a.m.

Hi

We only know your side now.
Of course, it's not nice to be unintentionally childless and then I would certainly be hit by remarks of this kind, too, of course.

BUT

It also depends on how you deal with it.
I know such and such "childless" people.
Some deal with it loosely and openly and nobody really has a problem with it.
Others, on the other hand, are so on it that they make statements that I can really only comment with "You don't have any children either".
If, for example, a colleague tells you that you could leave your daughter alone at the age of 10, even though she kills her soul ... then this is a clear case of "no idea - because no children".
So it also depends on how you behave towards your colleagues!

And honestly? I didn't understand many things until I had children of my own. That's not a shortcoming, but that's how it was.
You can't really imagine it beforehand, at least that's how I felt.

Changing jobs - someone has already written that - will not help. The subject is everywhere.

But if you have the feeling that EVERYONE treats you somehow unfairly - then it is sometimes worthwhile to see what part you have yourself ...

Answer post

Re: teachers with and without children

answer fromDK-Ursel on January 11, 2012, 8:37 am

Good Morning!

I think Mozipan summarized very well what I felt while reading your lines, Aki.

It just happens that the colleagues WITH children are absent when the children are sick, and the others step in - with or without children, the latter certainly being there more often, unless they are prone to illness.
It is no different in DK either.
Likewise, the childless do not take their vacation during the school holidays if there would otherwise be bottlenecks in the company.

This has purely practical reasons and is far from being bullying.

Just as little as the heartless objections that, as a childless person, you could not judge certain situations, yes, in fact, it is true.
I personally like to compare having / having children in other discussions with emigration, because I know both and have prepared myself for both - and yet everything was and is completely different from what one imagines.
That's just the way it is - there are simply ways of life that you can read about, be told etc. so well - they do surprise you in the end.

While reading, I had the very strong feeling that your unfulfilled wish to have children is still very painful and far from being completed, accepted and worked on with you.
That is certainly a sad situation (and I can empathize with it a little, because at the age of 40 I lost a child under very dramatic circumstances and had little hope of another child), but at some point you have to accept it and find alternatives.
It doesn't seem to me to be that far with you, and that's why you take these remarks, which are correct and, in the worst case, thoughtless, but certainly not intended to be hurtful, personally.

I'm just imagining how such remarks came about.
Do you criticize, do you possibly complain about the representation for Etern colleagues?
Then I can understand their objections that you cannot imagine that with children who get sick - what else should they produce in their "defense" other than the facts?

We have and had teachers in my children's schools, but also in my school days. I cannot remember that childlessness was an argument for or against professionalism.

So I really think you should check YOUR position during the whole process - maybe your colleagues will feel you are criticized if you accuse them of the children and their illnesses, and consequently also the absenteeism of their colleagues.

It would certainly do you good personally to tackle the topic again and somehow complete it satisfactorily for you.

All the best - Ursel, DK

Answer post

Re: teachers with and without children

answer fromDor on January 11, 2012, 8:54 am

"Every time I say something it says that I can't imagine what it's like to have children, etc."

1. I would answer that seriously and calmly whether the person could imagine what it is to be unintentionally childless.

2. I have been observing for a long time that childless teachers simply have more power and commitment. I live in a country where women go back to work 4 months after giving birth and the quality of the teachers' teaching before and after is striking. a

3. Please do not give up your job, for you it is a calling! Defend yourself calmly and objectively, instead of withdrawing and avoiding excursions, etc.

4. I would answer parents / colleagues, like in any job, it depends on personal commitment and for me children are the greatest happiness and worth my full commitment, because I love them, even if they are not my own.

All the best and don't let it get you down!

Dor

Answer post

Re: teachers with and without children

answer fromPebbie on January 11th, 2012, 9:00 a.m.

Hello !

In every job it is the lot of childless women, whether unwanted or not, to stand in for mothers when their children are sick.

I also think that you find your unfulfillable desire to have children a burden, and working with children certainly makes the whole thing even more difficult.

The headmistress of my son's school is also involuntarily childless. Somehow you get the impression that all the children in school are "their" children, but not in a negative sense. She knows every child, mother and father by name immediately and is also tolerant towards her colleagues if they have problems with their own children or are sick themselves.
To what extent this is a learning process or whether it is simply her nature I cannot say, but I think she has simply adapted to her role and found her position due to her childlessness.

You should give up the victim role you are taking on at the moment. Instead, tell your colleagues in the near future if something happens: "Are you glad you have me".
You don't get anywhere with nagging.

LG Ute

Answer post

Re: teachers with and without children

answer fromCarmar on January 11th, 2012, 10:13 am

The most important thing is that your students like you.
We have a teacher here, whom the children stay away from on excursions. Even though she has children of her own. And the most popular kindergarten director in town, because she is the warmest, has no children.

If the staff at your school are not constantly changing, at some point there will be calm because the children of the colleagues are getting older and no longer have to be looked after in this way.

If you love children more than anything, they will notice.
Everything else should slide down your hump.

Answer post

sign with Dor!

answer fromSilke11 on January 11th, 2012, 1:19 pm

Without your own children you can devote yourself to your students and your lessons without time pressure from your own children, who also demand their rights (be it fun or at night or afternoon activities or a larger household, etc.) - the parents of your students will certainly appreciate that!

Answer post

Re: @Miolilo and Aki04

answer fromMiolilo on January 11th, 2012, 1:30 p.m.

"@Miolilo
I think about the overtime, or the representation that she does, the AP did not care at all. It's more about the fact that, despite her commitment, she is subliminally assumed to have a lack of competence. "

Possible, but it is a point that also leads to her displeasure and one that I keep hearing. That's why I wrote something about it!

Basically, I agree with you, but please state something like that
"We had to pay for what their own children had already cost them on their nerves in the morning. That is often the case with many teachers with their own children."

not in the generalization "often" and "many"

My numerous experiences are that mothers (regardless of whether they are teachers or not) have learned to organize well and are very capable of being fully there at the respective "place".

Million

Answer post

Re: teachers with and without children

answer fromKrümelkecks on January 11th, 2012, 2:12 pm

My daughter has a great teacher - childless. Personally, I always didn’t care whether my child’s educator / teacher had children or not.

Surely there are enough parents in the class who appreciate your work.

All the best

Answer post

Re: @ Aki04

answer frommontpelle on January 11th, 2012, 2:22 pm

"because neither colleagues nor some parents respect childless teachers as human beings."

This is absolute nonsense.




"For 8 years now I have had to hold substitute hours for pregnant colleagues or colleagues whose children are sick or have other appointments"

And colleagues with children will represent you when you are sick or have other appointments.



"It is also interesting how many people react when I say that I am a teacher:" This is the ideal job to combine family and work. ""

The statement is not entirely wrong. You only seem to have a problem with it because you don't have children, but you would like to have them.




"I love my job and children more than anything, but sometimes I can't stand it all, meanwhile I don't go on trips, etc."

You have a big problem with your childlessness. But nobody can do anything for that .... no parents, no colleagues and not even the school system. Maybe you should get professional help.

Answer post

Re: @ Aki04 - addendum

answer frommontpelle on January 11th, 2012, 2:25 pm

"Every time I say something it says that I can't imagine what it's like to have children, etc."

That's true too, and in many situations it is certainly very helpful as a teacher if you have children of your own.

Answer post

Re: homemade

answer frommams on January 11th, 2012, 2:42 pm

i had a colleague who retired last year. she is involuntarily childless. she was one of the most respected and respected colleagues our school has ever had. their childlessness was never an issue.

it seems to me that you are transferring your own dissatisfaction with childlessness to your job. you see things that are not really like that. or?

Answer post

Re: teachers with and without children

answer fromlucky children on January 11th, 2012, 7:00 p.m.

I like to believe that it makes you sad not to have children of your own.
Yes, and I also felt the sentence, you can't imagine ..., as hurtful until I got some. Yes, and honestly. I imagined it to be completely different with children. You can't even gauge the scope because you really lack the inside knowledge. It is not meant to be evil, but it is.
My sister, who is also involuntarily childless, is always better able to assess how roughly it can be after a vacation with me and my children and admits that she really cannot assess it realistically.
I accept childless teachers just like I accept large and people anyway. The child status is not a prerequisite for acceptance !!!
I am also represented by my colleagues when I am sick, just as I represent them.
What do you say to your colleagues that they answer you like that?

Answer post

Re: teachers with and without children

answer fromlucky children on January 11th, 2012, 7:02 pm

Do you know what I was told when I had my son almost 14 years ago and started teaching again? I would have softened. and then the little one was eight weeks old. But that's how all of this changed me. There is definitely something to the statement!

Answer post

Re: @Miolilo

answer frommozipan on January 12th, 2012, 1:31 pm

My numerous experiences on this - especially in the teaching profession - are different. From my point of view it is "often" and "many".

Your experiences are just different from mine. Everyone can only report on their own personal experience.

Answer post

Re: teachers with and without children

answer fromD.G.31 on January 13th, 2012, 9:02 pm

I also think that you have a problem with
Your situation. I am an educator and have
Three children. My colleague is just as old as me and also
Involuntarily childless. I think we complement each other well
And try to help each other. The
Parents accept us and our opinions
Are asked equally often.

Answer post

Re: teachers with and without children

answer fromD.G.31 on January 13th, 2012, 9:02 pm

I also think that you have a problem with
Your situation. I am an educator and have
Three children. My colleague is just as old as me and also
Involuntarily childless. I think we complement each other well
And try to help each other. The
Parents accept us and our opinions
Are asked equally often.

Answer post

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