What is my medical condition



Did you also have such a secret language in kindergarten that only your friends and you understood and with which you could gossip about the adults without you noticing?

Or were you able to talk to your buddy or girlfriend very quickly about others using your insider abbreviations and still write an entire novel today in a 160-character SMS?

If this is fun for you, then welcome to the Mecca of secret languages, hieroglyphs and short messages - welcome to the clinic!

But now I don't want to teach you the terminology and other technical terms. You will learn that during your studies anyway. By the way, you can find a little humorous insight into the world of hospital language in our link tips.

Under the heading "Humor in Medicine", Dr. med. Eckart von Hirschhausen gave an extraordinary lesson at the Justus Liebig University in Giessen under the title "Doctor - German, German - Doctor", why words are medicine.

to the recommended links

But now we come to the most popular abbreviations.

The most important is probably V.a. and stands for "suspicion on". You can always put that before a diagnosis if you are not one hundred percent sure. This diagnosis then remains until one suspects something else or the correct diagnosis has been found.

Everything that a patient has had before, such as an operation, is often referred to with Z.n. marked and means "state after". This means that you see the patient in a "state after" a measure or an event. Anyone who has ever Z.n. was a long party. If everything is okay anyway, you get the abbreviation o.B., which means "no findings".

If you like it more precisely, you prefer to write o.p.B. and means “without any pathological findings”, because “without any findings” sounds as if the patient had not been examined at all, that is, no findings were made. But you have and the result is: everything is okay or without having found anything pathological / pathological.

Normally you should talk to the patient in such a way that they understand everything. And then you shouldn't use all the technical and insider terms. But sometimes there are moments when you have to exchange ideas in front of the patients or relatives and these people are not allowed to understand the content.

For example, one speaks of "C2 abuse" because one often cannot use "alcohol dependence".

malignant tumors and ..

Some colleagues like to use this language to talk about annoying patients, colleagues or superiors.

The word “malignant”, which actually characterizes “malignant” tumors, also describes the peculiarities of these people. We doctors get really creative when it comes to calling stupidity. Here are my highlights:

Interauricular insufficiency
lack of function between the ears, i.e. in the brain
Supranasal oligosynapsia
few connections between the nerve cells above the nose
Speech diarrhea

But even we doctors don't always know everything. And so that we don't look stupid, we have invented several clever words, all of which only say: “We don't know the cause either, sorry! Nice examples are:

reason unknown
there is also without a known cause (CAVE: essential fatty acids are "vital", here the word has a concrete meaning again)
the organ is intact, but the function is disturbed, the cause unknown
the balance is not right, so something is sick, but the cause is unknown here, too
if you don't know what the cause is, then it's definitely the vegetative nervous system, but nothing has been proven
These and moreTechnical terms and abbreviations can be found in our growingHospital language glossary

Unfortunately, more and more patients know our terms and therefore it is no longer so easy to have a private conversation. It is problematic when our terms are misunderstood. This is the case with the word “tumor”, for example, which actually only means “swelling”.

But every patient immediately thinks of "cancer". That's why we invented a new word and an abbreviation for it at the same time. "RF" is the "space requirement" and thus describes something that is growing that takes up or "demands" a growing space.

And meanwhile everyone understands the word “metastases” too, so that the words “settlements” or “filiae” (daughter tumors) prevail until everyone understands them again ...

But we can not only use great words, but also interesting characters such as B. 1-0-1. If you've ever given your grandmother's pills, you already know. It's about the times when the tablets have to be taken. “Placebo 20 mg 1-0-1” therefore means that “the placebo drug should be taken as a 20 milligram tablet once in the morning and once in the evening.” If another tablet is necessary for the night, then it says “1-0- 1-1 ”behind the drug. And if you need half a tablet and then two more, you can also write “1 / 2-0-2” and so on ...

Have a good time

Your dr. Felix Resourceful