What's your break-up story. Just Indians

Funny stories

A handpicked collection of fun Stories, amusing texts & witty Anecdotes. Not always taken directly from life but exaggerated to exaggerate reality and everyday life. They contain funny allusions to everyday situations and point out the weaknesses and strengths of our world.
For reading, reading, speaking and telling people, whether by email, carrier pigeon, fax, posting, orally, as a poster, .... - for children, adults and seniors. Have fun!

Funny stories - a small but nice collection

A brilliant & grotesque tale about buying a blouse in a "newfangled" department store where a nephew accompanies his aunt. Written about 100 years ago, but still relevant (even if the story is a bit longer, it is worth reading to the end).

A parable from Africa in which a shrewd interpreter resolves the conflict between a poor and a rich man through a skilful translation.

A bizarre novella about love life, morals and justice in a Bavarian village: The Theodor Association - with a swipe at the German preference for founding an association.

An ironic poem about the complicated relationship between the artist and the stupid Mammon: the painter Pablo Picasso writes to his art dealer and complains about the bad sales figures.


Exclusively for 24 days: the funny advent calendar - a new joke every day.


 

Short funny stories

Bathtub & Plug - The other day in the madhouse

During a visit to a closed institution, a visitor asks the director what criteria are used to decide whether someone has to be admitted or not.
The director says, "Well, we're going to fill a bathtub, give the candidate a teaspoon, a cup and a bucket, and ask him to empty the bathtub.
The visitor: "Ah, I see, and a normal person would take the bucket to make it go faster, yes?"
Director: "No, a normal person would pull the plug ... Would you like a room with or without a balcony?"

God and the main prize ... »

Moishe asks every night before going to bed: "Oh Lord, make me win the main prize in the lottery!"
It goes on like this year in and year out. Moishe gets old and rickety over the years, but every evening he asks: "Lord, make me win the main prize in the lottery!"

One evening a voice replies: «Moishe, give me a chance! Buy yourself a ticket!»

Your tit ... »

Wladimir Klitschko on "Aw: Which animal sings this song?" in de.musik.other
Karl-Theodor zu Guttenberg wrote:
> When I get up around 4:30 in the morning,
> I keep hearing an animal sing.
> Something like this: tireli de tirela, dudeldei die dudelda.
> Who knows which animal it could be?

Your tit.

Pointless ... »

Wladimir Klitschko parks his bike in front of the supermarket and goes shopping. A note hangs on the bike: "Theft is futile! - Wladimir Klitschko".
When he comes back, his bike is gone. Instead, there is another note on the floor: "Persecution pointless! - Jan Ullrich".

From the old man who applied to the circus ... »

A short man with a goatee is waiting in the anteroom of an artist agency. He's finally allowed to see the director. He is enthroned in his office and smokes a cigar.

Director: What can I do for you?
Little man: I would like to apply for a job.
Director: Yes, what can you do?
Little man: I can imitate birds.
Ringmaster: Do you have any idea how many pipes come in here every day who think that just because they can do "beep, beep, beep, ..." would I have a job for them now? The last thing I need is a birdcall impersonator. Away with you!

And then the little man looked very sad, opened the window, and flew away

No time ... to be brief »

Madame de Sévigné (1626 - 1696; French aristocrat), known and famous for her long letters and their excellent style, once closed a five-page letter to her daughter with the lines: "I beg you to excuse my long letter. Would suit me better Time available, then I would have taken it shorter. "

Not ... the same horizon »

Opposition leader Erich Ollenhauer (1901 - 1963; SPD party chairman) in a Bundestag debate on Adenauer: "Mr. Chancellor, don't be so nasty to the opposition, we all have to live under the same sky."
Konrad Adenauer, not ready to back off on this day: "But we don't have the same horizon, Mr. Ollenhauer."

So much the worse ... for the facts »

When the philosopher Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel (1770 - 1831; representative of German idealism) was a lecturer at the Berlin University, one of his students pointed out that in his lecture he had drawn conclusions from facts that did not even exist in this form be. Hegel only said: "Well, that is of course bad for the facts."

Self-promotion ... by the author »

Somerset Maugham's debut work did not sell well. The publisher also did little to increase sales. Eventually Somerset resorted to self-help. He had an advertisement indented in the newspaper, well placed, with the following wording:
"Young millionaire, sports-loving, cultured, musical, agreeable, sensitive character, wishes to marry a beautiful young girl who in every way resembles the heroine of the novel by W. Somerset Maugham."
A week after the advertisement appeared, the first edition of his novel was out of print.

Who ... does not believe in miracles »

David Ben Gurion (born David Grün in Poland in 1886; died in Israel in 1973) became the first Prime Minister of the new State of Israel in 1948. "Your founding of the state is really like a miracle!" someone said to Ben Gurion at the inauguration ceremony.
"Anyone who does not believe in miracles," said the Prime Minister, "is not a realist."

Reporting ... Relative »

After his novel "Die Freistatt" (English. Sanctuary) was published in 1931, William Faulkner (1897 - 1962) received mail from a reader who asked him whether he actually considered people to be as bad and bad as he was described in his book.
Faulkner replied: "People are no worse than they used to be. However, the reporting of what they do and what they have not done has become much better, more detailed and more reliable."

Casanova… makes good business »

During a trip Casanova met a man who was firmly convinced that he owned the sword with which St. Peter had cut off Malchus' ear (Gospel of John 18: 10-11; Jesus arrested in the garden of Gethsemane). The fellow travelers doubted, sometimes mockingly, sometimes suspiciously, the value of the relic.
Only Casanova recognized the Malchus sword as genuine and sold the fool the associated scabbard for a thousand Zechinen.

An old Arab wants to dig up his garden to plant potatoes ... E-Mail »

An old Arab has lived in Chicago for more than 40 years. He would like to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. So he wrote an email to his son who was studying in Paris.
"Dear Ahmed, I am very sad because I cannot plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure that if you were with me you could help me and dig up the garden. Your father."

The old man promptly receives an email from Paris:
"Dear father, please do not touch anything in the garden. That's where I have 'that thing' hidden. Your son Ahmed. "

At 4 a.m., the US Army, the Marines, the FBI, the CIA, and even an elite unit of the Rangers appear at the old man's. They dismantle the garden clod by clod, search every millimeter, but find nothing. Disappointed they withdraw.

On the same day the old man received another email from his son:
"Dear father, I am sure that the garden has now been completely dug up and you can plant potatoes. I couldn't do more for you. With love, Ahmed".

 

Collecting wood ... Winter »Indians

Two Indians go to their medicine man and ask him how winter will be. He has no clue himself, but throws a few stones in the air and says:
"It's going to be a cold winter".
So the Indians go to collect wood to prepare for winter.
The next day some Indians come again and ask him again how winter will be. He throws the stones in the air again and says:
"It's going to be a cold winter".
The Indians also go into the forest and collect even more wood.

The next few days more Indians from other tribes came and asked him how winter was going to be. Each time he throws the stones and says:
"It's going to be a cold winter"
After a week he wonders whether what he is saying is also true. That's why he calls the weather department and asks how winter will be. There he gets the answer:
"It's going to be a cold winter!"
The medicine man asks "Sure?"
The weather office replies: "Yes, of course, we have unmistakable signs"
"And which?" the medicine man asks. The weather office answers
"The Indians collect wood like madmen."

 

 

Django »monthly pass

A bus driver comes to the bus stop with his bus. With a cowboy hat pulled down over his face and a wide coat, Django gets on the bus and says: "Django won't pay today!"
The driver winced and waves him back through. The next day the same game: the bus stops, Django gets on and says: "Django won't pay today!"

It went like this for the first week, the second week and then the bus driver, he had thought, had to speak to the Django, after all, driving in the black is not the best way.
So, at the next stop, the bus driver asks: "Why doesn't Django pay anything today?" Then Django: "Django has a monthly pass!"

 

 


Here is again a subjective selection of the funny stories this page (also in the regular menu its submenus can be found):